A few years ago, I took a bold step few men dared to take. I submitted a paper to and was accepted by a conference focused on gender research. In complete naivete, I had little idea of what I was stepping into as I attended the welcome session that precedes such conferences. Of the many in attendance, I was one of a handful of men who were present. No big deal. The field of gender studies and those who take an interest in the topic in other fields of study are typically women. What was jarring was the immediate tone of the conference. It was contentious, and I felt the eyes of suspicion fall upon me as I moved about the rooms. Thumbing through the conference agenda and panel schedule, this was clearly not a place for objective research.

The most memorable moment of that weekend, however, was provided by a male presenter. I do not remember his name, where he was from, or even the exact topic of the panel on which he presented, but the image and tone of his presentation are forever burned into my mind. This is not because of any substance by way of his work in an academic sense, but rather in the way he remorsefully and slowly moved to the front of the table without a script, outline, or visual and began his, well, the best way I can describe it is an apology.

In a condescending voice, this graduate student stood in front of a full room and took it upon himself to apologize to all the women present for how terrible we (men) are and for everything they have been through. It was truly nauseating. For a few moments, I was convinced I was to become witness to a public and in-person self-castration. Saving me from this horror may have been the fact that only plastic cutlery was present in the dining area (but that certainly did not completely eliminate the possibility).

What I did get out of the presenter’s performance was the idea for another pillar of masculinity, culpability.

Culpability

Over the past few years, the term “complicit” has become commonplace in the vernacular of journalists and activists who wish to coerce the apathetic or quiescent into supporting a desired cause. In R.W. Connell’s list of masculinities, “complicit masculinity” is a term assigned to the “men who maintain and endorse the restrictive standards set by the hegemonic expectations of men that tilt the world in their favor, collectively, by preserving a patriarchal social structure.” In other words, if a man does not acknowledge their power (even if he does not have power?) nor act in a way to advance women, then that man is an oppressor.

And I thought only a Sith spoke in absolutes!

The point is that blame is incorporated into the very description of what it is to be a man. Men are positioned to take the blame in most facets of life. Speaking of life, I am sure you have noticed that Lifetime Television has made 24-hour programming out of the practice of blaming men. The show Snapped!, for example, is entirely based on the notion that women are driven to the crimes they commit by men.

Do you know that guy whose wife lured him into the basement to stab him with the ice pick repeatedly? Yeah, you can understand why she did it, so give her a break.

In relationships, it is much the same story. There is no shortage of web pages and articles explaining what a man should do to be a good husband. Just for fun, go to Google and type in “what can men do to improve their marriage.” What comes up is a long list of articles that suggest men become more masculine, listen to their wives, and take on more responsibility. Many religious-based articles suggest you are just not praying together enough, but that seems rather unscientific and more like recruitment materials for churches. The general tone is that men are not taking the lead in relationships and it is on them if things go astray

Now, just put “wo” in front of “men” in the search bar and see what happens. While some articles pop up that offer advice to women, many others are non-sex-specific when it comes to marriage advice. Wives are erased in a shift towards actions not assigned to any role. The advice is provided for both men and women. Interestingly, if you dive a little deeper, many of the hits that appear as you scroll down are articles dissuading women from marriage altogether claiming that marriage is a bad deal for women.

Crime and marriage are only two examples of men having to accept blame when things go wrong, but plenty of other arenas of male culpability exist as well. Topics such as corporate leadership, business ethics, wages, corruption, war, and low WNBA attendance all place undesirable outcomes at the feet of men to accept responsibility, despite numerous studies suggesting little difference between the sexes in outcomes as women do gain more social and professional power.

In the push to create more space for women in positions of leadership, be it at home, in business, or government, there is a tendency to exonerate women of any wrongdoing with the belief that the feminine operates with a stronger moral and ethical compass. Ironically, this difference in standards probably does more to infantize women and reproduce misogynistic power structures. If men are responsible for the actions and behaviors of women at home and in the office, then male culpability ultimately adds to perceived patriarchy by suggesting men carry a greater responsibility in the establishment of the environments in which we operate.

This is a sticky pillar of masculinity indeed! Are men culpable for the preponderance of social ills? If so, then is such a stance derogatory towards women by simply declaring them “damsels in distress?”

Choose wisely!